


i’m picturing you besides me

by popculturehes



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Based On a Troye Sivan Song, Cheesy, Happy Ending, M/M, it's cute and harry loves louis, larry af, minor breakup, they get back together in the end lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-10-18 14:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17582585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popculturehes/pseuds/popculturehes
Summary: the au where harry sends louis a postcard every stop on the tour.he never gets anything in return.





	i’m picturing you besides me

**_don't put me back down like it's nothing to you._ **

_harry finally arrived home after a long day at rehearsals for tour. he just wanted to lay down with louis and watch a movie, maybe take a bath together. something to finally relax him. he drove all the way home to find an empty driveway. louis wasn't suppose to be anywhere tonight, they had made a plan to have tonight together since harry is leaving in a few days. he parked his car in his usual spot and almost sprinted to the door, ignoring all the left over things in his car. he unlocked the door, walking inside to find no one. he walked around the house, searching each room, even the backyard, but there was no one. why wasn't louis here?_

_he walks back into the kitchen to grab something to drink but he finds an envelope on the counter with a scribbled, "harry" on the front of it. he could recognize that handwriting from anywhere. he quickly grabs the letter to open it up, finding a nicely typed letter that was too much to handle for 2 in the morning. he had stayed too late at rehearsals because he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for next week._

_dear harry,_

_i think we have both had enough of this back and forth. there isn't enough time in your schedule for me. and it's hurting a lot more than it should be. you're coming home so late every night, and i can't stay up later now. it's been like this for the past few months, H. i feel like i'm losing you to the business again. you're such a hard worker and i know you would die for your fans, you want everything to be perfect. i hear you, almost every night, slip into bed and talk to me about your day, even if you think i was asleep. your presence always woke me up but i let you talk, every night, so i could listen to how happy and excited you are about tour and seeing everyone. but, it's like a strike to my heart every night because i knew you'd be leaving soon. i'd be left alone at home, with the cats, and my twitter feed, watching you doing what you love. i want to come with you so bad, see the world and watch you perform for your fans. you know i can't leave work for almost two years and expect to survive. i know how many arguments this has caused but i could never accept just your income. we are partners and we work together. i never want to feed off of your wealth when i can work just as hard._

_that's why i think this is for the best, H. you need to be able to be the best possible version of yourself out there, every night, giving them your all. i can't hold you back and i don't want to be a burden. i'm leaving tonight. not anywhere far, but i'll come back to watch the cats and dwell at the twitter feed. i'm not famous like you, harry, i can't be in the spotlight. i don't want to drag you down at all. that's why this is the best solution, even if it doesn't seem like it._

_i will love you til the day i die, harry. we built such an amazing life together and i will never forget it at all. this is just where our chapter ends. i can't go for almost two years without seeing you, not knowing who you'll see or what you do. you've always been so loyal and compassionate, i am forever grateful for your devotion. go on and have the best possible tour ever. i know everything will work out the way you've talk about. you can do anything, H. if anyone can do it, it's you._

_please, don't be afarid to talk to me after this. i don't hate you. i promise._

_visit me when you come back._

_i love you so much, harry._

_always yours, louis._

_there is a tear stain at the bottom of the paper, and harry doesn't know if it's his or louis'. but all he knows is that he lost the love of his life that night and he has to get his shit together because tour starts in a few days. what the hell is he going to do?_

* * *

**_basel, switzterland._ **

**_day one of tour._ **

harry looks out the window as the plane starts to land. it's finally time for tour. he tries to keep that at the front of his mind but everything comes back to last week. rehearsals went to shit after that and harry was ready to cancel the whole tour to stay in his house and dwell in his sadness. he knows that louis wouldn't want that so he got his shit together and got ready for tour. his relationship with louis wasn't public but fans knew he was seeing someone, and that it might be louis. 

harry met louis when they were in university. . both of them played for their school, louis being the captain and all. he admired louis from afar until he got the courage to finally talk to him. they were teammates but harry was intimidated by an upperclassman of two years. louis was the class clown, soccer captain, and so admirable by all. harry and louis were all over each other after their first date and they made a promise to stay together no matter what. harry would give up anything for louis. he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

when louis graduated, he wanted stay close to him family and harry. he worked at a bookstore and coached a soccer team some days. he was well known in the town and everyone adored him. he was there for harry and helped him through his last two years of school. he wanted the best for harry so the day that harry was contacted about a contract with a record label, louis became his number one supporter. they both moved to london together and started their lives together. louis kept coaching and working local jobs while harry started building his platform. 

harry blew up quickly and he was working so hard. he did a small promotional tour around england, which expanded to europe, and then there were talks about a world tour. harry had only released a few songs and was working on his album quickly. he wanted to tour the world so badly and louis would never say no. he had traveled with harry around england and europe but he couldn't leave home for the world tour. his label decided to wait just a year or two before he started a world tour and that brings them to where they are today. harry against the world, without the person he needs the most. he had always relied on louis to comfort him and distract him, but now he is just alone, getting ready to start the tour of his dreams. he only wished that louis was besides him, experiencing it with him. 

he got up once the plane landed and collected his things, stepping off the plane and walking into the airport. it wasn't very busy but there were defiantly people who were waiting for him. he took a few photos with a half happy smile and continued on his way. he walked past a shop and spotted a rack of postcards. he slowly walked over and looked at all of the gorgeous photos that were presented. he promised louis that he would collect postcards one day to send to him if he decided not to come but he never knew it was reality. he chose one and paid for it, looking at the blank space that he would fill with words, for his boy. 

when he arrived at the hotel, he set his things down and took one of the hotel pens over to the desk. he sat down with the[ postcard](https://www.amazon.com/Basel-Johnniterbrucke-Switzerland-Postcard/dp/B0746326DZ) in front of him and took a deep breath. harry didn't contact louis after he read the note, he just stared at the wall, with his phone open on his contact, ready to call him at any moment but instead he just let it be. 

_dear louis,_

_it's the first night of tour, ~~but of course you know that.~~_

_i do hope that everything is going well. say hi to the cats for me._

_yours always, H._

harry stared at the card for almost ten minutes trying to think of something wholesome to write but he couldn't. there wasn't enough space for him to pour his heart out in. it was a start. so, he wrote his address on the card and grabbed the stamps he had brought, setting it on there and taking it downstairs to the mail room. he knows it will take a few days but maybe louis will say something. 

that night, harry goes onstage for the first time in a year, shaky and nervous. he's about to sing songs that he had written for and about louis and he wasn't there to watch him. his hands were sweaty but he couldn't shake it off on the sparkly suit that dressed his body. it was showtime and all he wanted to do was cry. 

 ------

at home, louis was sat on the couch that brought back too many memories. he had both of the cats in his lap and a live stream of harry's concert hooked up to the tv. he was beaming, he was so so proud of harry for finally getting to the biggest stages. he knows harry is nervous but the crowd warms him up. harry is prancing around the stage, singing his heart out, interacting with fans, and smiling the widest smile he has seen in a while. he knows harry must be hurting but it doesn't show.  _that's my boy,_ louis thinks to himself. 

* * *

  ** _netherlands, amsterdam._**

**_day three of tour._ **

harry arrived into the next airport, extremely tired, although the tour has been amazing so far, he is slumped from little rest. he wished that louis was with him to calm him down but he really wishes that louis was there to hear about tour. he wants to talk to someone about everything that has happened within the first two nights but he doesn't have many people to do that. he's talked to his mum a lot about tour but mostly about louis. he cried when he got off stage the first night because he was so overwhelmed with how amazing the first night went but also because of louis. it always comes back to him. 

he walks past another small shop and bought two more postcards. he sends one to louis and one to his mum, just because she likes them and collects them. he hasn't heard anything from louis so far but he doesn't know exactly when it will reach louis. he'll give the first three cards about two weeks before he asks someone to check his mail, just in case louis hasn't. he knows that louis is with the cats because he sees pictures of the cats on instagram but he never gets any personal pictures of them. louis won't make any contact and it's tearing harry apart. he knows he can handle it onstage but he is in a storm of his own thoughts every second after he steps off the stage. 

he arrives to his hotel shortly after and lays down on the bed, collecting a pen and the two [postcard](http://www.acmphotography.com/2009/12/forgotten-postcards-gallery/amsterdampostcard-2/)s. he sets them on the desk and leans awkwardly to write on them. his one to his mum to short and simple since they talk everyday. it's mainly a quick, "i love you" and a heart alongside the address. louis' always take longer because he doesn't know what to say. he thinks that he never will know what to say. 

_dear lou,_

_you'd love it here so much. i know you always wanted to come._

_i always wanted to take you, ~~still do.~~_

_i hope you're doing well. say hi to the cats for me._

_love, h._

it's simple and short. he knows louis always talked about coming to amsterdam with harry and finding a small place to move into just for the weekends. spontaneous getaways was the term he always used to describe all the small flats that they would have around the world just so that they could visit whenever they felt like it. they were serious about it and harry had found a few places in some the countries louis would talk about and bought some of them. they were suppose to be a surprise but now he just has empty flats to visit to by himself. 

harry feels completely pathetic and gets up, changing into some gym clothes and grabbing the two postcards. he takes them down to the lobby and has them mail. then he goes out for a run to blow off some steam. 

\------

later that night, louis is sat in their bed, scrolling through his twitter when he sees all the update accounts about harry post photos from him running and a few videos. louis knows that harry only runs when he's stressed or anxious about something. that boy hates running but sometimes it helps him clear his mind. he's worried for harry, as always. he loves seeing harry onstage in his beautiful, colorful suits but he knows that there is something hurting him. he listened to harry sing  _sweet creature_ and  _if i could fly_ back to back and it hurt him too. he can feel the pain in his voice and he just wishes that he could rewind time. 

he'll always regret this for the rest of his life. 

* * *

**_barcelona, spain._ **

**_day eleven of tour._ **

it's the first day that louis gets some of the postcards. he walked out to the mailbox just to see if anything had come and to his surprise, it was almost overflowing with six postcards, all from harry. he clutches them in his hand as he walks back into the house, setting them all out of the table and reading each one. he looks at the gorgeous photo on each of them and then looks at harry's scribbled handwriting. they are all short and simple but harry can be like that sometimes. he stares at each ending because he always signed off with "love" or "i love you". he knows harry does that with everyone but he knows that harry still means it. harry loves and loves til he has given all the love possible. louis sits back into the couch and looks up at the ceiling, thinking about all of the things they had done together. he doesn't know why he was so stubborn and just left. he just missed harry so much. 

_it was harry's last night of rehearsals. louis has been waiting for this day for a long time. it's been months of prep work and rehearsals, bringing home a tired harry who despite being exhausted, still talked louis' ear off every night about the progress. sometimes he had to pretend to be asleep so harry would stop but it never happen. harry would talk for what seemed like all night before saying, "i love you, lou. see you tomorrow." it broke louis apart every night because it slowly got worse._

_harry would start showing up later and later until louis couldn't handle it and had to go to sleep because he had work the next day or some type of appointment. harry still came in, showered and then talked to louis about what happened at rehearsals, knowing that louis was asleep but he always did it. he would press a kiss to louis' temple and go to sleep. he hated waking up early in the morning but he always made sure he woke up to talk to louis before he left for work but eventually, harry got too tired and would just mumble, "morning lou, i love you, see you later." and fall back asleep. it was driving louis insane._

_after almost a month of barely seeing each other, small talk that felt uncomfortable, louis finally had the time to see harry. it was the last day of rehearsals and harry said it should only about about three hours._

_"don't worry lou, we will have all night to talk and cuddle. i promise. we are just running the show and making sure it's all perfect. and then we get to leave for tour!" harry was bubbly, he was so happy because louis was going to come on tour for the european leg._

_"i can't wait, h. it's been so long. i'm sure everything will be great and the show is perfect. you're going to do amazing." louis pecked harry's lips and stood up from the table. he left for work and that was the last time he saw harry._

_when harry left for rehearsals, it was only suppose to be about three hours but that quickly turned into almost ten hours. louis had come home knowing that he had time to make dinner before harry got home so he set the table and started the food. he watched the clock, counting down the minutes til harry was finally home but that never happened._

_he ate the dinner by himself, texting harry every so often, trying to get some type of update from him but nothing came through. he looked at the clock and it was nearing nine o'clock. he had a footie match the next day and he couldn't miss it. he walked upstairs to their room and quickly packed anything he would need for the next two and a half weeks. he knows that how long it is until tour starts and if harry doesn't have the time for him, he certainly isn't going to waste his time on harry. he stormed downstairs and walked over to harry's typewriter and started punching down on the letters. he can feel the tears trickle down his face as he starts typing. he doesn't stop until he folds the letter and slips in into an envelope, setting it on the main table and walking out of the house, not even looking back._

_it was the hardest night of his life._

louis remembers every single part of that day and still feels the pain from leaving but also from being left alone. he misses harry with his entire being and watching him every night on tour, singing songs that he knows are about him, that he watched harry write and compose, knowing that he should be there on the sidelines, watching him prance and sing onstage. but he isn't and he needs to get a plan together. 

\------

when harry arrives in barcelona, he knows immediately that this is their city. louis dreamed of moving to barcelona and starting a soccer program. he had brought louis to barcelona once and they bought the flat while they were there, spending endless hours in there. he knows he can stay there while he's in spain but it hurts so much to go back their. he collects his two [postcards](http://www.acmphotography.com/2011/01/palau-nacional-barcelona-spain-forgotten-postcard/) from the airport and goes to the hotel. 

_dear louis,_

_i do hope that these are getting to you._

_i'm back in OUR city. it will always be a home to me, and to you._

_i miss you and the cats dearly._

_love, h._

 

that night louis almost died when he saw harry walk onstage in that suit and curls falling over his eyes so effortlessly,making him look a god. he wishes he was back in that city with harry. it meant everything to them. 

_louis was so excited for the plane to land. he was bouncing up and down in his seat like a little kid while harry tried to calm him down. there is something about barcelona that just amazed louis ever since he was young and he's finally able to see it, with the love of his life. he kept looking out the plane window, taking a few photos of the sky and the ground below (and sneaking in a few photos of harry when he wasn't looking). harry said he had so many surprised planned for them and he isn't sure what harry could have possibly planned but he's so excited._

_the second they stepped off the plane, louis turned into a tiny kid who is just experiencing their first time in a candy store. he clutched onto harry's hand tightly and led them to baggage claim. he knew harry was on the rise as a popstar but he tried to make it through the airport quickly but all the small shops on the side were catching his eye._

_"c'mon lou, there will be more shops to look at. don't worry. we've got two weeks here." harry tugs on louis' sleeve, chuckling softly._

_"but hazzzz, they have so many cute things here. one more minute."_

_"we've got to go so we can make it to our first surprise on time."_

_and that was the trick. louis immediately follows harry out to the cab. harry puts on his hat and sunglasses, trying to disguise himself  from everyone else but he was spotted. they quickly get into the cab but people started flowing in from all side of the airport. harry takes louis' hand in his and squeezes it gently. he leans his head on louis' shoulder and closes his eyes. harry is usually so eager to meet fans but he just wanted to be with louis for once, just them. he lets the screaming pass by as they drive to their hotel._ _the hotel is location on the ocean-side and it's more like a tiny apartment than a hotel. louis almost drops onto the ground when they arrive at the hotel. it's antique and towering high above the ground. the ocean is splashing on the rocks behind the hotel and it smells amazing. it was almost everything he had dreamed for. when they walked into the room, harry immediately tackles louis onto the bed. they might have been an hour late to their reservation._

_on their third day, harry surprised louis with tickets to a  FC barcelona game at home against real madrid and louis almost lost his shit. they arrived early just so that louis could shop jerseys and get a head start on drinking. about thirty minutes before the game start, they head down to their seats that are incredibly close to the bottom of the field. louis was gripping onto harry's hand in excitement as they walk down. they find their seats and share their food together, smiling for a few photos taken from the sidelines. they watch the match hand in hand, occasionally breaking it due to louis screaming at the players and standing up abruptly. harry sneaks a few photos of louis as he watches the game, smiling with complete admiration of the boy he loves. it was one of their best days there._

_that night, after dinner, they walked along the beach as the sunset. they walked hand in hand, occasionally walking into the warm water. harry kept his eyes on louis and smiled softly. louis looked absolutely gorgeous in the light, his tan skin glowing against the warm orange sunset, his hair was getting slightly longer and it swooped beautifully across his forehead. his eyes were so bright and full of love that night. harry was ready then and there it just drop on his knee and ask louis to marry him but he knew it was still too soon. louis never really discussed how long they would be together and if it would last further than marriage but harry has his mind set on louis, always. he wanted to stay in this moment forever and just frame it in a photo that he could visit all the time._

_"haz! look at that cute house." louis points and walks towards it._

_it's a small ocean house, painted in baby yellow. it was absolutely gorgeous and seemed like the perfect getaway house for them. they walked closer to the house to find that no one was there and in fact, it was for sale._

_"wow, it's so cute. it's perfect for us. how much is it?" harry walked closer to find some more info on the house._

_"no no no, you are not buying this." louis grabs harry's hand._

_"why not? you always talk about buying places around the world so we can visit them whenever we want to."_

_"i was joking...that's so much money, haz."_

_"you're worth it."_

_harry bought the house the next day._

* * *

**_milan, italy_ **

**_day thirteen of tour_ **

harry always wished that he could move to italy one day. everything from the culture, art, literature, people, and food just amazed him every time he had come to visit for vacation or for tour. it was one of his favorite places in the world. and like all other places, it's brings him back to louis. they had visited italy when harry came to record a few songs. it's one of his favorite places to record because he feels overwhelmingly creative and to bring louis with him, it was stupid how many songs he wrote that weekend. harry had purchased a small flat there when he had the chance so they stayed there. he can't go back today. 

_dear louis,_

_i'm back in italy today and i can't help but think of you._

_i promise to bring you back one day._

_i hope you're well._

_love as always, h._

harry had no idea if louis was getting the postcards at all. he never received any notification from louis but his friend had said that there was no mail in the box when he came to visit so louis must be checking it at some point. he just wants louis to know that he isn't forgotten and maybe he'll talk to him again. italy brought dark thoughts to harry because it's when they had their first fight. it was stupid and childish but it made them closer. 

\------

_"when will you slow down, h? why can't we have some time together? i know you're on a trip for work but you said we would have time." louis was whining almost, he just wanted harry's attention._

_"lou, this is work. you know i can't just cancel work plans because you want to go out. go out by yourself while i work. i have a deadline, you know that."_

_"then why did you even bring me if you knew that you wouldn't have time?"  louis has crossed his arms over his chest and harry is getting annoyed with the ton of his voice._

_"because i want to bring you with me on trips like this. you want to travel with me and i like having you with me! you're always begging me to watch me in the studio and now when i finally bring you, you're complaining because i don't have time for you."_

_"yeah! you said that we could go out and see the town. all we have seen in the view from this flat and from the studio."_

_"go out without me then! i have work to do."_

_louis did that he was told and left right after that. louis was always needy of harry's attention, even though he knew harry's schedule and lifestyle. he didn't come home until early in the morning. it kept harry up that night, crying and halfway into a tub of ice cream. he was worried that someone had taken louis but he was also worried that louis went home with some beautiful italian man and that would be the end of them. he stopped crying after an hour and a half of waiting. he ordered food and drinks for himself and just watched overly dramatic soap operas that were on the tv. he didn't understand anything that was being sad but he didn't care in the moment. harry just wanted louis._

_he eventually passed out from exhaustion, curled up in the blankets and the empty bottles and plates left on the floor next to him. louis has crept into the flat before the sun came through the windows and walked into the bathroom, trying not to wake harry but it didn't work._

_"was it good?" harry spoke with a low tired voice._

_"harry-"_

_"i'll take that as a yes." he sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes, looking at louis who looks like he was properly out of it._

_"i didn't, i swear, you've got to believe me."_

_harry just chuckled and shook his head. he wanted to believe louis but he can never be sure with louis sometimes._

_"it's just funny, i love you with every bone in my body and i want to share my work and the world with you but you don't want to follow."_

_"stop it, h, you don't know what you're saying."_

_"well am i wrong?"_

_"harry, you can't go around saying that you love me at three in the morning. you can't just throw that on me."_

_"but i do!"_

_"you don't know what you're saying, harry! it's not time for that."_

_harry didn't realize that this was the first time he had said it out loud but he did. he loved louis so much but clearly it wasn't the right time for that._

_louis had bought a plane ticket home and left a day before harry._

_that night, harry wrote sweet creature._

_\------_

louis walked to the mailbox that afternoon to see what postcards harry had sent now and he was almost shocked when he saw the landscape of barcelona on the top of the stack. he knew how much that place meant to them. he brought them all back inside and set them with the others after reading each one. he wanted to frame them all and hang them on the walls. harry loves antique looking items and each card was antique-style. it fit their house so well. 

later that night, he curled up on the couch and turned the best live stream he could find on the tv and watched harry sing his heart out onstage. he knew how italy had effected their relationship so he knew harry must have been feeling so many emotions on stage. he almost sent a text to harry that night but he still couldn't bring himself to hit the send button. 

* * *

**_manchester, uk._ **

**_day seventeen of tour._ **

he's so close to home. all he could think about was how he would be back in london the next day. his family was coming to manchester show and the london shows. he was so happy to be back to a familiar place. he got their early and didn't feel like he needed to get postcards from the places they knew so well. he got to his hotel to be greeted by his family and friends. it was so overwhelming but he was felt like he was at home. he helped them to their rooms and stayed behind to talk to him mum. 

"does he talk to you? have you seen him at all?" is the first question he asks, laying on the bed as he watches his mum do her makeup in the bathroom. 

"he does ask how you are doing sometimes. he doesn't come to sunday dinner anymore but that was something we figured. you should really talk to him, haz. i know he misses you." 

"but he doesn't talk to me. i wasn't the one who walked out on us, literally and figuratively. i would do anything to talk to him but will he want to talk to me?" he's picking at his nails nervously. louis always made him nervous. 

"i think that since you are so close to home, you should try to reach out to him. you already gave him tickets to all the uk shows and backstage entrance passes so who knows, maybe he'll surprise you." 

harry just laughed. he would do almost anything to have louis just show up at the london show with open arms. he wants that more than anything but louis is the most stubborn person on the planet when it came to reunions. harry would have to try for days for louis to open his door for harry after their fights. after their fight in italy, louis had stayed at his mum's house for almost a week before letting harry see him. harry tried almost every day to try and see him but he wouldn't budge. it's now been almost a month since they've spoken and seen each other. it isn't just that easy. 

"i don't think he'll come." harry says quietly after a few moments. 

"you don't know that, harry. he might come to one of the london shows. you never know." 

"he has the tickets but i just don't think he will. he never really liked me on tour anyways."

"oh, stop, just breathe, okay? you're going to do great tonight no matter who is there. you're doing what you love in front of large crowds who adore you and your music." 

"you're always right, mum." he smiles and gets up, walking over to hug her. hearing something along the lines of "i know" mumbled into his neck. 

\------

it's about ten minutes til showtime and there is no sign of louis backstage or in the fancy vip box that he had saved just for him. he knew louis wouldn't show but he couldn't help but just hope that he would come. 

little did he know that louis was inside the hotel room he had booked, all dressed up and waiting by the door to walk out to go to the elevator. he never made it past the front door without breaking down into tears, thinking about any and all possible rejection he would receive from harry if he came. he doesn't know how harry feels. actually, he does. the postcards say it all. clearly, he still feels something for louis and he feels the same way, he's just so scared that it will all change when they actually talk.

* * *

  ** _london, uk._**

**_day eighteen of tour._ **

he's finally home, although he can't visit his home. he's worried that louis might be there and that it will end in a fight. the last thing he needs is a fight before one of his biggest shows on tour. he would like to visit the cats but he'll get there eventually. he, instead, goes out to lunch with his mum and sister. he tries his best not to think about louis but he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. something in him really hopes that it's from louis. 

**louis: you're welcome to stop by. i won't stop you from coming to your own house. i'll be out for a few hours so you can visit the cats. they miss you dearly.**

his heart almost fell through the floor. he secretly wishes that he'll run into louis at the house, just so that he can see him. it's been almost a month, their longest fight. harry is still confused on where they stand because they never officially broke up and louis is keeping it up for the media since he posts photos of the cats all the time. he just doesn't talk about harry at all. 

he finishes lunch with his family before heading over to the house. he's so worried that something will be different or louis will be there and won't want to talk. he pulls up to the curb and parks his car. there is no sign of louis being home so maybe it will be okay. harry takes a deep breath before getting out of the car and grabbing his keys to unlock the door. as he goes to unlock the door, the knob turns and he is met with a pair of tired blue eyes. 

they stare at each other for a moment. just taking in each other's presences. harry notices how small louis looks, drowning in a sweatshirt and joggers. his hair is messy as if he had just gotten out of bed but most of all, his eyes were so dim, unlike his normal bright eyes that he knows so well. louis immediately looks down after he makes eye contact with harry, going to step out the door. 

"'m sorry, i was just about to leave." he mumbled, going to leave but harry sets a hand on his arm. 

"please don't go right now, let's have tea." his eyes meet louis' and he can tell that louis is nervous, completely taken aback. 

"you should really have your spa-"

"lou, you're having tea with me. even if we don't talk. this isn't healthy." 

louis doesn't protest as he follows him into the house. the cats immediately rub against harry's legs as he walks into the kitchen. the cats jump onto the counter and he picks on them up, smiling and kissing it's head before setting it down and doing the same with the other. once he's greeted them, he starts heating the water. once it's on the stove, he leans against it and looks over at louis, who is sitting at the table with his head down, tugging at his sweatshirt sleeves. 

"how have you been, louis?" harry breaks the silence, hoping they can make it less awkward. 

"i've been fine, not too bad." he speaks with such a soft tone. harry has rarely seen this side of louis. it hurts. 

"that's good, that's good. the house treating you nicely?" 

louis just nods, still not looking up at harry. he hears the pot start to make noise so he pours the water into their cups and place the bags in. 

"still take it the same?" all he gets is a muffled "mhm". 

he makes their teas the way they like them and brings them over to the table, setting louis' in front of him. they sit in silence for a few minutes while they sip at their tea. harry catches a few glances from louis but not many. it's still too awkward. 

"do you uh, think that you'll make it to the show tonight?" 

"i don't know, h, those songs mean so much to me." 

"you have your own private viewing box, no one will see you." 

"harry, i just don't think-" 

"please. just come to this one. even if it's the last one you come to. this tour has been so painful, knowing you aren't with me." 

"i can't handle watching you perform songs that you wrote about me. it's hard enough to watch the live streams online and see updates on twitter. i can barely handle that. but having you in front of me, after a whole month, is so overwhelming. i don't even know how to think now that you're back. i made the biggest mistake of my life but there is nothing i can do to fix it." 

"why do you think i'm here, lou? i was hoping i would run into you so that we could talk. i don't know what you think but i don't hate you. i always forgive you, lou. i still love you so much. we can fix this." 

"you still have tour, harry. this won't work while you're gone for the next six months. that's not how we fix this."

"then come with me! i'm tired of sending postcards when i get nothing in return. i feel like you don't want me anymore." harry is on the verge of tears, he doesn't want to fight anymore. he just wants to take louis in his arms and lay with him forever. 

"i can't! you know that! i don't want to leave with you. our reoccurring problem is that you don't have the time for me, h. i just, it's better if it's like this."

"that's such bullshit, louis! you know that." 

"harry-" 

"bullshit, louis. fuck, i thought i could come back and maybe have a nice afternoon visit before the show but clearly i was wrong. i need to get going. i'll be late to soundcheck." 

harry doesn't even hear anything that is said to him as he grabs his keys and leaves the house. 

\------ 

harry went straight to the arena after his fight with louis. he was almost fuming with anger but he didn't want that to ruin the night. he got on his running clothes and took a jog around the arena a few times to let off some steam. he thought about everything louis had said during his visit. he doesn't know why louis was being so closed off with him and not even giving him a chance to try to fix things. harry's mind goes to the worst conclusion in thinking that maybe louis has someone else that he likes to be around. maybe he'll be at the show with him tonight. he never wants louis to leave him forever and if he ever found someone else without telling him, it would break harry's heart into a thousand more pieces. he feels weak at the thought and decides to go back inside the venue. he finds the bathroom and takes a quick shower, letting the water burn against his skin and keep him warm. once he is done with his shower, he starts prepping for the show. warming up his vocals while he gets dressed and then helps his friends and family into the dressing room so they can talk. 

he had given tickets to most of his friends, his family, louis, and louis' family. he wasn't sure if anyone from the tomlinson family would show but jay kept a spot in her heart for harry, always. his mother and sister arrive her, talking to each other while more people start to file into the room. he notices that louis' sister, lottie, decided to come. she's very good friends with his sister so it seems normal. she walks up to harry and gave him a big hug. 

"i'm really glad you came, lots. thank you for coming, despite everything-"

"oh hush, you know i love you and your family," she cut him off with a smile, "i wouldn't miss it for a thing. and since louis is being a little shit, i came alone. i really tried to convince him, harry. he won't leave the bed at your house."

it twisted harry's stomach into knots. he wants to help louis and take care of him, but he's not in the position to do that anymore. 

"it's alright, why don't you catch up with everyone? i figured he wouldn't come. i went to check on the cats and we had a little run in. it didn't end well."

"oh, harry...i'm sorry. he really isn't in a good spot anymore. ever since you left on tour, he has been a mess." 

"that's not my fault, you know i offered to him. he could be with me." 

"i know that, h," she sighs, rubbing his arm a little, "you two will get it figured out. you always do." 

and to that, they might. 

everyone files out of his dressing room about a hour before the show started, leaving harry alone in his dressing room. he was listening to some quiet music, trying not to look every few seconds to see if louis had texted to say he was there. he has convinced himself that he's okay with louis not coming but in reality, it's not true. they had promised each other that he would be here at one of his biggest shows, and that wasn't the truth anymore. he was about to go onstage and sing to an empty arena. he knows it's filled with people but it seems empty with louis, after all that they had been through, it wasn't worth it anymore. 

he stands up and walks out of the door, heading to the side of the stage, getting ready to go on. he tries to peek out to see if louis had made it to the vip box that he left reserved, but it was a long shot to say that it was occupied. he walks onto the stage once all of the lights are off, listening to the loud noise of fans and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to relax. when the opening song starts, he performed from that moment on for louis. 

harry had done his best throughout the tour to not let his emotions take over but he let it slip tonight. during multiple songs that had the deepest connection to louis, he had let a few tears slip but tried to keep them hidden. the media had been speculating that him and louis were split and he really doesn't need it to show tonight. he was always open about who he wrote his songs for and who they were about so it was very clear to the fans and media that he was going through something when his tone of voice and emotion during those songs were different. he wasn't ready to come public about it because he wants to save their relationship but he doesn't know if that will ever happen. 

the show ends smoothly and he just runs backstage, telling the security members to not let anyone back unless it's louis. he walks into the dressing room and discards of his clothes, changing into his sweats and sweatshirt, taking a few deep breaths and closing his eyes. he lets a few more tears slip out but then he realizes that he can't go home tonight. louis knows that there are two nights in london but he is staying for four days. he collects his things that he'll need for the night and heads out the back to the car that's suppose to take him home. he decides that he will just bit the bullet and go back to his house, whether louis is there or not. 

he looks down at his phone while the car heads to his house, seeing all the wonderful messages from his friends and family, some messages on twitter, and nothing from louis. he considers sending louis a warning message but he doesn't even bother. the driver arrives at his house and drops him off. he gets out, walking to the door, seeing that the living room lamp is on. he takes a deep breath before walking into the house. 

it's dead quiet when he walks in, the cats somewhere else in the house and no other light on by the living room lamp. he sighs out as he walks into the house, shutting the door behind him and going to the bedroom. there is no sign of louis so far and that worries him. he slowly walks into the bedroom, finding a vase of flowers placed on the bedside table with a card rested against the flowers. he walked forward and looked at the card, picking it up and reading, "congrats, h. you deserve the world. L," he looks around the room, just in case louis was hiding, but he wasn't. he can tell that louis had gone through the closet to grab a few things. he sighed out and tilted over to smell the flowers, smiling softly. it was a nice surprise, he just wished that louis was here to share this moment with him. 

he climbed into the bed, moving over to louis' side and taking a deep, long inhale. it smelled so familiar of louis and their sheets. there were so many memories from this house that were created over the course of two years. if someone had told him that after playing one of his biggest shows, that he would come home to an empty house and bed, with nothing just a card, then he might have thought that was shit. he thought louis and him would be forever. but all of these thoughts dragged harry into deep sleep. 

* * *

_**london, uk** _

_**day off from tour.** _

harry wakes up extremely late in the morning to a messy bed and the cats asleep at his feet. the clock read that it's about noon, allowing harry to let out a loud groan. he was so exhausted from last night and all the stress than it caused. he knew that when he woke up, he would be alone but something deep inside him wished that louis would be there with a cup of tea. he grabbed his phone from the bedside table to check if there were any important messages but he ignored most of them, searching for louis' contact. he looked at the past messages he sent. he wants to thank him for the flowers. he starts to type a quick thank you into the message bar but doesn't send it yet, closing his eyes and taking a moment. when he opens his eyes, he sends the message. after that, he closed his phone and gets ready for the day. 

with a day off, he just wanted to go walk around the city, taking in everything that he had missed. he didn't want to dwell in an empty house and broken promises, instead he got out of the house and took a walk down to the market. the markets there are wonderful in the springtime and it's been a while since he's gone. he slipped on his pair of sunglasses and hat before leaving the house. 

once he got down to the market, he realized how busy it was and it was a little risky to get caught so he decided to stop by at one of his favorite coffee shops, he knows that there is a risk of seeing louis because he goes most days but maybe it wouldn't happen. he stepped into the shop and looked up at the menu, refreshing his mind on all of their choices. the line was decently sized so he had a few moments. when he looked away from the menu to look around the shop, he locked eyes right away with louis, who physically tensed up. with that, whoever was at the table with him, turned to look back at him too. the man is gorgeous and defiantly looks like someone louis would be with just to spite harry. harry looks away and quickly grabbing his phone, shooting a message to his sister to tell her that they need to meet up later. he walks up to the counter and orders his food, throwing down too much money and just walking to a table while he waits. he tries his best not to look over at louis and the man he is with. sure, he doesn't know if that's just a new friend or someone related, but the jealously rises up in his chest, thinking about someone else taking his spot in louis' life. 

the waiter brings over harry's drink and sandwich, smiling politely and leaving him to be. he sees out of the corner of his eye that louis is leaving the table and walking over. harry's heart starts to race faster than ever until he comes face to face with louis, who is sitting in the sit in front of him. they don't say anything for the first minute, they just take in each other's presence. 

"so, you're making your rounds." louis blurts out. 

"what is that suppose to mean?" harry is completely caught off-guard, not even catching onto louis' point. 

"you're out and about in the city, didn't know popstars did that anymore."

"i really don't understand what your point is, lou. is this bothering you? i can leave." 

"well, i'm trying to have a nice morning out, and you come walking in here like i wouldn't be here. you know i come here every morning." and harry understands now. louis wants harry out of the city completely.

"i can't just leave london because you don't want me here. i have a show tomorrow, which you know about, but you don't really have the peace of mind to even come see the show. after everything we went through." 

"harry, you know we have to start our lives on new paths. it's not that i'm not proud of you-" 

"i'm not talking about this here, we are not fighting. this isn't fair. you told me you were leaving and it was for the better. but we never actually split apart. you are so much a part of me and i can't handle you being gone all the time. trust me, this is just as hard for me as it is for you. if you wanted me gone forever, you should have told me." 

"not my point, h, calm down." 

"then what is it, lou? because you're being awfully subtle with me."

"i want us to be able to move on, harry. okay? this was never going to work. you want to travel and perform for all of your fans and make music. i want to stay in london and start my own soccer club. we should just start seeing other pe-" 

"fuck you, louis. jesus christ, are you joking? you do talk a lot of shit. if this is your way of saying that you're already seeing someone else, just come forth and say it. if that guy over there is your boyfriend, then just tell me. don't make it sound like you give any shits about our relationship and my interests." 

"i get that you're upset, but it's for the better." 

"no, fuck you, louis. i really hope that rebound of an asshole helps you through the rest of your life. don't come to the show tomorrow, i really don't want to see you anymore." harry gets up and takes his coffee, walking over to the table where louis was sitting and looks down at the man sitting there. 

"i really hope you do know that louis doesn't give two shits about you and whatever you two have. trust me, i was his first everything and now i've got an album's waste of songs and a empty house. keep that in mind, okay mate? good day." he starts to walk out of the coffee shop, leaving many eyes curious, and one louis who tries to explain everything in the matter of minutes. 

\------

the second harry gets home, he sees that he's trending on twitter and that the fans are going crazy over his encounters with louis but they all think it was a good thing, when it really wasn't. 

gemma arrives at the house only fifteen minutes after harry does. she doesn't even know what happened but she finds a crying harry who is halfway through a bottle of wine. she listens to his muffled words about his encounter with louis and helps drag him out of bed. it takes her a few minutes but she convinces him to go out with her. they get ready to go out to a club in the middle of london. she tries her hardest to get louis off of his mind by talking to her about the show but in the end, it always comes back to louis. 

they arrive at the club about an hour later, walking in and immediately ordering drinks. gemma lets harry talk about everything he needs to let off of his chest, ordering him drink after drink. it's a short lived conversation because she pulls him out onto the dance floor, knowing that he loves to dance and within a few minutes, the drinks have kicked in and he is fully buzzed with happiness. he sings loudly to the songs being played and does silly dances alongside his sister. he mingles with other people around him when he realized that she had brought him to a lowkey gay club. there are gorgeous men everywhere and it's so relaxed. it was the exact scene he needed to be around. 

about two hours into being at the club, gemma slips away to go home, telling harry that he needs to get laid in some shape or form, but it just needs to happen. she kisses him on the cheek and makes her way out. harry goes back to talking with the friends he has made. one of them, gorgeous tan skin, bright blue eyes, and muffled brown hair, keeps eyeing harry in a way that gets him excited. he takes his hand and drags him out onto the dance floor. 

he fits into the curves of the man's body and moves side to side, in time with the music. he slings his arms around his neck, pressing his body against the other man's. he feels a pair of hands explore his body, guiding him to dance with the music. he feels absolutely free and completely different than he has this past month and a half. louis wasn't interested in touch or being close anymore and this, now, was everything harry was needing. 

he doesn't know how long it is until he takes a cab home, being kissed and touched by this mystery man. he has no idea what his name is or who he is but it just feels like a release. something that he needed for a while. 

he wasn't proud of anything when he woke up the next morning. 

* * *

**_london, uk._ **

**_day nineteen of tour._ **

harry woke up early the next morning, head pounding and body aching. he looks over at the time before realizing that there was someone else in his bed. he almost jumped when he saw another lump in the bed. he hasn't been next to anyone since he was with louis. he slowly sat up, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath. when he looks over at the man laying next to him, he has the stunning similarities between him and louis. it almost shocked him, bringing a wave of emotion over him. he absentmindedly wakes the man up and tells him to leave immediately. once the man left, harry took a hour long shower. 

when he got out of the shower and started making breakfast, he starts to write something. it came so naturally and quickly that it was almost scary to harry. he hasn't written a song this easily in such a long time and it felt too raw for him, but he needed to get it off of his chest apparently. he had only fragments but he knew he could fill them in. 

 _We haven't spoke since you went away_  
Comfortable silence is so overrated  
Why won't you ever be the first one to break?  
Even the phone misses your call, by the way.

_Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too  
But you, you never do_

_Woke up the girl who looked just like you  
I almost said your name_

he decided to get up, take the song and go to the studio. he always felt that his album was missing a song and this was it. he start recording the song and within a few hours, he had it finished, just in time to go to the arena for his show. 

once he arrived to the arena, he practiced his new song to himself, catching his band up to speed on the idea of performing it tonight. the song meant so much to him, he just wanted to perform it at least once. it might cause people to suspect the break up more, but harry has had enough of it. if louis is moving on, then he can too. it's just a bit different than louis. 

\------

louis knows that he fucked up, he knows it second that harry storms out of the cafe. he didn't expect to see him there because he knows that harry comes there a lot of the time, but when they fought, he would always stay away. he didn't mean to cause a scene or fight between him and harry, but something clicked in him that angered him. he wishes that he could just get his emotions under control so that he could talk with harry, normally. moving on wasn't something that louis planned on doing but it just happened, maybe just to fill the hole that harry once did. trying to explain his situation to his date wasn't how he planned their morning out. 

_"who was that, lou? i know you had an ex, but i didn't know it was harry styles." his date, adam, said._

_"i can explain, really, i didn't want that to scare you away. i promise, there is nothing there anymore." louis tried to explain, without exposing too much._

_"how long were you guys together, anyways? there must be something between you still."  
_

_"i-, it's a long story, adam, but we were together for a long time. it just, it wasn't working anymore, okay? i don't really want to explain my whole past relationship with you."_

_"did he do something? i don't think that he came here to hurt you. did you even tell him about me or anything?"_

_"adam, i promise i can explain it all, later. harry and i just stopped working, okay? the popstar life wasn't for me and i didn't want to be apart of it like he wanted me to. i promise, we are okay. i, i haven't handled it well but we are working on, clearly."_

_"lou, i need you to do something for me, okay?" adam took both of louis' hands in his. "i need you to work things about between you two, whether that be talking, fighting, or whatever, but clear up whatever problem this is. if you still don't want to be with him, i'll be waiting, but i can't have you and your ex constantly fighting and doing things like that. something between you two isn't fixed and it needs to be, i'm sure you can handle it."_

_"i-," louis took a few moments, looking at adam and then down at the table. "i suppose you're right, i've really been a dick with him and i didn't things on a good note. i should probably talk to him."_

_"there we go, we can still talk and see each other but i need you to figure it out. whatever that may be." adam smiled at him, kissing his knuckles before leaving louis alone at the table._

louis, sitting on his bed, has been thinking about what adam said yesterday. he should go see harry, talk with him, and figure it all out. but it's not that simple. it will never be that simple because harry practically hates louis' guts now. he saw the pictures of him and some mystery guy out last night. he shouldn't be jealous because he's been seeing someone else as well, but he knows that harry was drunk and just looking for a way out of the situation. he knows harry so well but is so afraid to fix things between them. he glances over at the tickets that have been sitting on his desk for almost a month, staring at him, telling him to go see harry perform. harry would sing in the shower, around the house, or practice in front of louis but he never saw the final product of harry's tour. he knows the countless hours he put into the outfits, the staging, the lighting, visuals, and all, but he never even got to see it. 

it gives him flashbacks to the manchester show just a week before this, he got dressed, looked at himself in the mirror with the tickets in his hands, shaking slightly. he wants to see harry perform so badly, he's worried that people will spot him and that he'll have to talk about their situation. he doesn't want this to turn into a shit show so he calls the only person he knows will come with him. 

\------

"thanks for coming, lots, i just don't think i can do this alone." louis said, climbing into the passenger seat of her car.  

"i don't mind coming at all, i love harry. and i love you, which means you two need to get your shit together. it's tearing him apart just as it's tearing you apart." 

"i know..." he knows it's true, harry is so bubbly and happy, but something is different with every show he plays. he knows this is mentally draining him. 

"i'm glad you're going though, he almost broke down when you didn't come to the manchester show." 

"you know i was there, i just couldn't get myself to leave the room."

"well, i'm glad i could help tonight. it will be fun." she smiles, driving to the arena. 

 

they get to their seats in a quick rush. louis really didn't want to be noticed by anyone so they got there early and headed up to their seats. harry had saved one VIP box for every show on the tour, just in case louis decided to come. he realizes how big harry's heart is and he took every moment to think of louis when louis decided to be selfish and run away. he walked around the room, taking a drink from the mini bar and taking a long swig. lottie had gone down to talk to harry. he should have gone with her, just to say hi and let him know, but he has no idea who could be down there with him. 

he walks to the window, hearing that soundcheck has started, he sees harry's band mates come onstage and start testing their instruments. he doesn't see harry until a ball of fuzzy curls and pajamas walks onstage. he can't see too many details from up high but he can tell that harry has woken up from a nap and didn't have the time to change. he looks so soft in his gray joggers and yellow t shirt. louis just wants to run down, bury his face into his neck, and take a long nap with him. it's been so long since he's cuddled with harry and he misses the feeling of being close to him. adam didn't fill the space correctly and louis just wanted to be next to harry again. he watches him test the mic and runs a few songs. louis notices that they're trying a new song. he can't totally hear the lyrics since harry is mumbling. louis is worried that lottie told harry that he's here and that he might not be confident anymore. he can tell that it's a sad song and that it's slow. harry sounds like his voice is cracking and it's almost straining. they cut the song and harry walks off stage. 

lottie came back closer to when people started arriving, walking in and taking a seat next to louis. 

"you need to go talk to him, lou. the first thing he asked me when i walked in was if you were here."

"did you tell him?" 

"i think you're the one who needs to tell him that."

 "i'm too scared, lots. he hates me. i fucked up so badly, he won't want to see me, i promise." 

"then why is he asking about you? he loves you more than anything else in this world, he is so gone for you." 

"well, after our fight yesterday, i doubt he wants to see me at all." 

"go talk to him, louis." 

"maybe after the show, i don't want to ruin his day before the show starts." he rubs his eyes gently, absolutely tired from not sleeping last night. 

"okay, just make sure you talk to him before he leaves london. he deserves it." 

they stay silent until the show starts. louis moves his chair closer to the window so he can see harry. he watches the lights go off and the angelic music start to play. as the fog rolls out, the screen starts to lift up to reveal harry dressed in a leopard print suit. he looks absolutely gorgeous in the lighting, starting to dance around onstage when the music kicks in. harry was made to perform in front of thousands and be a rockstar. louis tried to help him and grow his passion for music, but it became too much. he feels so overwhelmed by watching harry doing what he loves the most because he was suppose to be helping him, every step of the way. it also crushes him into thousands of pieces thinking how badly he timed out their breakup. maybe he really did need to talk to him. 

halfway through the show, harry moves to the second stage in the middle of the crowd, glistening under a warm lit disco ball of light. his skin is tan and glowing from far away. he looks beautiful, louis thinks. it’s just harry, strumming his guitar and singing one of the closest songs to him. sweet creature was always _their_  song. it broke his heart having to watch harry perform this song when he knows how much it means to them. he sees harry glance up at their VIP box. he knows where louis should be every night. he doesn’t know if harry could see his shadow from that far away, but he just wants to go down there and hug him until he crushes into a million pieces. this whole situation just makes him so conflicted because he caused this all, he shouldn’t feel like this because he caused the problem and heartache. 

once sweet creature ends, he hears new chords to something that harry has never played before and by the crowd’s reaction, it’s new to them too. harry looks worried to perform this, was it new? louis just hopes it’s nothing that bashes him. but, then again, it’s his fault. 

 _Woke up alone in this hotel room _  
_Played with myself, where were you? _  
_Fell back to sleep, I got drunk by noon _  
_ I've never felt less cool _

 he doesn't know why just the starting lyrics hurt him so much. he can hear it in harry's voice. it's painful and longing, like nothing he has heard before. 

 _We haven't spoke since you went away_   
_Comfortable silence is so overrated_   
_Why won't you ever be the first one to break?_   
_Even the phone misses your call, by the way_

and there it is. there is the part where louis has screwed up his whole life. and harry's. 

 _I saw your friend that you know from work _  
_He said you feel just fine _  
_I see you gave him my old T-shirt _  
_ More of what was once mine _

he notices how not subtle harry is with the lyrics this time. he's not holding back anything anymore. 

 _I see it's written, it's all over his face_  
_Comfortable silence is so overrated_  
_Why won't you ever say what you want to say?_  
_Even my phone misses your call, by the way_

he regrets everything from the coffee shop. he wishes he could work things out like a normal person.

 _Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too _  
_Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too _  
_Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too _  
_ But you, you never do _

it's not even the half of it. he's way past saying sorry and asking for forgiveness. 

_ Woke up the girl who looked just like you  
I almost said your name _

he knows that harry brought someone home last night. harry has always hidden their problems with pronouns to distract the public. 

 _We haven't spoke since you went away_   
_Comfortable silence is so overrated_   
_Why won't you ever say what you want to say?_   
_Even my phone misses your call_   
_We haven't spoke since you went away_   
_Comfortable silence is so overrated_   
_Why won't you ever say what you want to say?_   
_Even my phone misses your call, by the way_

and just like that, he had said everything he needed to say and more. he  _really_ needs to talk to harry. 

\------

the show ended and louis just sat in his chair, eyes closed as he waited for most of the fans to leave the arena. he needs to go down and talk to harry before it's too late. this is his last europe show and who knows when he'll be back. he opens his eyes slowly and looks out into the almost empty arena, watching as the last few fans leave. right before he's about to get up, the door opens and closes behind him. 

"so you came." a soft voice spoke out. 

louis slowly stood up and turned around to meet a very tired looking harry, already changed into joggers and a sweatshirt. he's glowing but looks absolutely exhausted from the show. he just wants to reach out and hug him forever. 

"yeah, i know how much this means to you, h. and i haven't handled this in the best way." 

"to say the least." harry chuckles lightly, rubbing his eyes. "i figured you had come since lottie came down to say hi. you two are inseparable when it comes to stressful situations and boyfriends."

"i needed someone to make me come. i sat in my hotel room during the manchester show. i couldn't get myself to leave because no one was going to be with me. i almost came to the first london show but i couldn't handle it. you really overwhelm me." he's rubbing his knuckles with his fingers subconsciously, out of nervous habit. 

"i'm really glad you came. finally got to see it all put together, and all." louis can tell that harry wants to say something but won't say it. 

"harry...i don't even know where to begin. i know sorry won't cut it but i-"

"yeah, it really won't. i, i still don't understand. you just, left." he takes a few pauses in between words, as if it's getting harder to talk. 

"i'm such an idiot, harry, but i can't handle you being gone all the time. i felt so ignored during rehearsal months and then you weren't coming home when you said you were, date nights were postponed, you stopped texting me, stopped catching me up on your day while i was asleep. it became so much and i didn't want to be alone anymore." 

"then why didn't you tell me?" 

"you weren't home, harry! you were off rehearsing or fixing things at the studio for the album. you weren't around anymore. i barely had time to talk to you during the day before either of us had to leave." 

"you could have told me. i would listen, and i'm listening now. i want to fix this. it's been hell going on tour without you. and being back home, seeing you out with someone else, it's, it hurts more than you would ever know." harry takes a small step forward, looking at louis with such concern. 

"i had to fill the empty space in the bed, h. being back at my mum's house, without you, it's so cold. and lonely. i didn't mean for you to meet adam, we aren't even a thing but i was trying to work things out. i thought you would have moved on-"

"why would i ever move on? i literally love you more than anything in the world, i wrote a whole fucking album about you, i devoted so much of my love and time for you. was that not enough for you to have faith and trust in me?" louis can tell that he's making harry upset. he really does not want to do that.

"it was always enough! but not having you around wasn't enough to keep me, harry. you seemed fine with being away from me for most of the day and only coming home to sleep for most of the day without even saying hi sometimes. you were so distant when you were lying next to me and i wanted you to just talk to me. because i was too worried about making you mad and ruining your schedule. i trusted that what you were doing was for the best. and i know your career is important and your lifestyle, but it was like i was put on the back burner. i didn't feel loved anymore, h. if i'm being honest, it felt like i had just become some type of pillow for you to hold at night." louis doesn't even notice that he has tears running down his face. he is so frustrated with harry. he just wants him to understand how he felt before the breakup. 

"why didn't you even try to tell me this? we could have done something."

"i didn't want to ruin this for you. god, harry, do you see how happy you are onstage? making thousands, millions even, of people happy just by existing? i didn't want to come in the way of that. because i know you, you would have stopped rehearsals and postponed the tour by a month. i couldn't do that to you and your crew and the millions of fans. it would be too selfish of me." 

"i would do anything for you, lou." 

"harry...you need to finish tour. and if you really still want to be with me, we can work things out. you know i can't leave england for that many months. i have a team that i need to help and work to do. so do you, you can't just stop everything for me." 

"but i will, if you want me to, louis. i will put this on hold so we can fix things. manage things and schedule times that you can come to shows while i'm out. it would work." 

louis runs a hand through his hair, taking a few deep breaths before looking back at harry. 

"you need to finish the tour. i'll still be here when you get back. maybe we can work this out." 

"this can't be a one sided relationship, lou. i need you to talk to me more. i will seriously call you at any chance i can, text you all the time, and do whatever i need to do so that you don't feel like you did before. just let me in. i'm tired of sending postcards because i'm too scared to text you and never hear back again. i want to make this work so bad." 

it takes louis a few moments to speak. he just looks at harry with such a sad expression, wanting to just give in but something is telling him no, which doesn't make sense. he wants to be with harry more than anything but something is keeping him back. 

"okay, we can try that." he speaks softly, looking down at the floor as his body completely gives in. 

"are you serious?" harry's voice is so hopeful, it almost breaks louis in two. 

"yes, i want this to work, h. i've missed you so so much." and without even thinking, his body is crashing into harry's and embracing him in a tight, warm hug. it's been so long since they've done this, since he has been held. he feels harry's arm wrap around him in an instant. 

"i missed you too, lou. more than you know." he can almost hear harry's smile. 

"do y-you have tomorrow off? i want to go home, our home." louis pulls back for a moment to look at harry. 

"yeah, i have to leave early though, but we should have time for breakfast and a cup of tea." 

louis almost starts crying right there, so overwhelmed by everything that happen but he knows that they'll be able to restart their relationship together and maybe make amends. 

* * *

 

_**three months later...** _

_**los angeles, california, USA.** _

_**last day of tour.** _

it's been almost three months since louis last saw harry in person. he almost broke harry's heart again when he said he couldn't come on tour with him but he couldn't leave their home for three months. harry always calls louis stubborn, and he knows that he is, but it makes them work. and even after all they talked about, harry still sent him stupid, cute postcards from every stop on the tour, writing little notes and lots of hearts across each one of them. 

he started saving up some money so he could come surprise harry at his final show in america, they always talked about travelling to america together but he thinks it's finally the right time. he knows harry will be done with work for a while and they can just explore together. he just arrived in los angeles, a few hours before harry's show. he didn't want to get there too early because he knows fans will start talking and he's trying to surprise harry. there was a car already waiting for him, he got out of the airport quickly and unnoticed. he kept checking his phone, trying to not text harry because he thinks that he's asleep and still in london. 

they took louis to the hotel, close to the venue, and helped him check in as quietly as possible. he paced around the room, just waiting for time to pass. 

* * *

 time passed slowly enough until it's time for the show, he got into the car and waited as they drove him to the arena. he looked outside the tainted window, seeing the hundreds and hundreds of fans, walking towards the venue and going inside. he knows it's one of his biggest shows but he didn't know how big. the large poster of him outside the arena with his name in lights brought a smile to louis' face. they dropped him off at the back area of the venue and he walked to his seat from the back staircase. he walked into the box where harry always had saved, sitting down in his seat as he opens up a drink, taking a few sips as he looked down at the arena, filling up with people. it always baffles louis at how amazing and popular harry is, he never knew that harry would blow up like this. 

harry finally came onstage after about an hour, prancing onstage and singing his heart out,y as usual. he had this new glow to him that just made the whole room shine. he did his usual set of songs, singing, dancing, and interacting with the crowd. he can see that harry looked up towards louis' direction a few times throughout the night but he knows he can just see a shadow from that far away, he can't wait to see harry. 

towards the end of the show, louis sneaks down to the backstage area of the venue, standing by where harry usually walks off, smiling widely as he watches harry finish out the concert. he's sweating and dancing along to every last beat that is played, running around the whole arena as he sings his last song. louis can see the twinkle in his eye from the other side of the crowd, he peeks his head out to see harry as he moves along, catching a few glancing from people in the crowd as the whisper to each other and point. harry almost sees him but he pulls back and takes a few steps back when harry starts running back to the stage. as he goes to grab his water bottle and take a final bow, he looks over directly at louis and does a double take, smiling widely and walking back to the front of the stage, taking one last bow with his band. 

the lights go down and harry runs off stage, right into louis and wrapping his arms around him, spinning him around. 

"louis! you came, i didn't think you'd be here at all." harry set louis down, cupping his face and smiling widely. 

"well, had to surprise my extremely sappy boy who won't stop filling up my mailbox with silly postcards, i told you that you didn't need to do that," louis runs his hands through harry's hair. "you hair has gotten so long, haz, it's been too long."

"i know it is, i know, just wanted to see what it'd look like," harry chuckles, taking louis' hand and walking to the dressing room. "let me change, and then we can talk more. it's so hot wearing all of these layers." 

"you look like a proper prince, babe, i like it," louis smiled widely, watching harry move around the dressing room, taking a few moments before speaking again, "i'm glad you're done with tour. i thought that maybe we could do some travelling of our own, now. i saved enough money and i got a sitter for the cats, i'm tired of seeing the world through postcards." 

"you really want to do that with me? you'll be okay with being away from home for a while?" harry finishes changing, walking back over to louis and sitting down on the couch with him. 

"yeah, i think i'd like to do that, leaving the house feels good, for once." 

"i can't wait to show you everything i've seen, louis, you won't regret it." 

**_end._ **

 

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope you enjoyed this! kudos are always appreciated.   
> comment your thoughts below !!


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